Eyes Wide Shut

Eyes Wide Shut: sometimes we can not see things that are right in front of our eyes because of a lack of vision, because our feelings blind our eyes, or because we refuse adamantly to see what is so obvious. Sometimes the heart makes the eyes close, so that they will not see what the heart does not want to know. Sometimes others throw sand into our eyes leaving us unable to see. Sometimes we are simply blind because our wishes do not match reality: a reality that we can not live with. This may happen because you may love someone who does not nurture the same feelings for you. This may happen because though you see what is there you find yourself trapped in a situation in which you see a person as your only support. In such case, even if you can see what is happening you will chose not to see as you fear to be left without anyone. This may happen because you are more vulnerable. This may happen because you have never had a similar experience before and do not understand the rules of the game being played. This can happen for so many reasons. But the bottom line is that your Eyes will Shut down Widely so that they will not see what you really do not want to see. Because you are naive, because you can not understand, because you hope.
Why do Eyes Wide Shut when we need them completely open? Is it a matter of self-protection? Is it dumbness? Is it faith in that what we are seeing will have changed when we re-open our eyes? Why does it happen? It should not happen.
The biggest pain will come with time and when you eventually get your Eyes Wide Open. The reality you will see - the present and the past - may be too hard to accept and to deal with. You will be confused, you will try to attribute blames, and you will see that you have a big share of blame. Because you were the one who chose not to see. But then it will be too late to erase the past or the memories of what you saw, but refused to really see. Then, there is no way back, only a way ahead.
There are so many things that I simply can not understand. Eyes Wide Shut or Eyes Wide Open, I simply can not understand some features of HuMan nature. What is normal for some is not for others. What is honesty for some is not for others. What will hurt some will not hurt others. Some people have their Eyes Semi-Shut or Semi-Open. Others have their Eyes so Wide Open that they can see everything clearly and will not bother with those who do not own such gift. What I have learned with my life and that of others is that there is no point in refusing to see. There is no point in having your Eyes Wide Shut. When you see something clearly you must not blind yourself. Because being blind to reality will not change what is there to be seen. Being blind will only bring hurt into your life.
I will do my utmost to never Shut my Eyes Wide ever again. I do not want to be blind to reality ever again. I know now that I prefer a small initial disappointment than a long-term wound, caused by my denial to see what was there. I know now that some people are just not good for you and that you have to trust your initial instincts. I know that in any situation - loneliness, danger - you are better of alone than with someone who does not really care for you. I have learned so much. Unfortunately in a too hard and too painful way. I will have my Eyes Wide Shut only to sleep from now on. I will keep my Eyes Wide Open!
- TeresaE, 2007