The Statue that Wanted to Feel

The Statue sits all day at the window looking at the people passing by, thinking about the past, the present and the future, living minute by minute yet not living at all. Thinking about what it was, what it is, what it could have been, and what it may be. Its brain and heart of stone stuck in the same thoughts of what was once but never will be again. It sees everything, but does not understand everything it sees. It hears everything, but is unable to speak and say the things it wants and needs to say. It is made of stone on the outside, but has some kind of life in the inside. Life and some sort of ability to feel, but not real feelings. The Statue is a conflict in itself and with itself.
The Statue was not always a statue. It became one with time. It slowly became one. It began with the heart, which was always made of stone. Turning into a statue was the price to pay for always looking too much into the past or too much into the future. For never living the present or allowing itself to feel. For never speaking out its thoughts and feelings, if it ever had them. For not knowing how to feel or how to give itself. For not knowing how to take and accept what others wanted to give. The Statue grabbed on for too long to pain and sadness. An incomprehensible pain and an infinitive sadness. It grabbed on for so long that it eventually became unable to feel or to see the good things around it. All that the former being ever wished was to feel and to be felt. However, it was never really able to let itself feel or be felt. It always lived in front of the mirror, but never really saw or knew itself. It lived a detached reality. A detached life. It realised that slowly, very slowly it was becoming a stone. But was unable to stop the process. It never understood its inability to love, because love was all that it ached for. Why? What was it that froze its heart, blood and spirit? Maybe it was always like that and nothing could be done to change it? It does not know and maybe will never find out. Its punishment for not finding the answer is to forever stay like that. Grabbing on to something, but being unable to actually reach it. This is the story of the Statue that dreamt of being human, but never achived to become one.
- TeresaE., August 2007